If you’ve ever suffered from any form of mental illness, chances are you’ve spent an awful lot of time stuck in your own head trying to figure out how on earth you can get back to feeling in any way human. You go over and over all the advice you’ve ever received. Maybe some well meaning friend or family member has made an ‘easy-as-pie’ suggestion like ‘Try yoga!’. Maybe your doctor has, while simultaneously handing over a prescription and mumbling something not-suitably-apologetic about therapy waiting lists, suggested that you might like to take up running. Maybe you’ve come across an Instagram account where someone impossibly shiny has insisted that they’ve cured their mental health problem purely with kale.
So I’m jotting down five things that have actually made a difference to me on a very small, day-to-day basis. None of these work miracles. None of these will ‘cure’ you. But they will make your day a bit more bearable, a bit more real, and hopefully, slowly and steadily make it through until this particular episode starts to subside a little.
Oh and they’re all free, because I’m fucking poor.
An oldy but a goody. Staring at the same four walls is not good for you. Even a short walk in the driving rain, sleet, or snow, will do something to reset your system a bit and perhaps even help temporarily break the cycle of negative thoughts you might have found yourself in that day. It helps to reconnect you to the world. It helps to get your blood pumping (even if, like me, that might also be the onset of a panic attack). Try to focus on what you see around you and not your own issues for fifteen minutes, but honestly, even if you remain a self-hating zombie for the entire walk around the block, it will have still done some good.
Eat something tasty
Anything you enjoy. Ice-cream or chocolate if you like. Even better if you enjoy a nice healthy salad but its nutritional value is not important. When we’re depressed we actually forget what it feels like to feel enjoyment and happiness. A well made cup of tea and a really good cake, if you’re paying attention, can help you experience a little contentment on an otherwise shitty day.
Turn your phone off and stay off the internet
At the time of writing, the world really sucks. Trump. Brexit. The refugee crisis. Syria. Global warming. These are all fucking terrifying and real and make us feel helpless and overwhelmed and scared and angry (well they do me). Equally, trawling through reams and reams of happy-happy-joy-joy photos of friends, colleagues, acquaintances and random strangers on social media, or engaging in a completely unwinnable Facebook argument with your racist Uncle Bob are not things that are going to leave you feeling any better about yourself. I am by no means saying disengage entirely: the problems in the world today need concerned and engaged people if we’re going to go any way to solving them, and having good social connections can help us feel well. But sometimes you need to shut off from that for your own sanity. Schedule a little time for you to check what you need to, but otherwise, keep it switched off. So finish this article and then go away please.
Find a real person to talk to
This can be a big ask on a bad day. But a little, pleasant social interaction can be enough to get you through. I’m a natural introvert, and even when I’m healthy I need a lot of time alone and find interactions with more than a handful of people at a time really tough going. But half an hour colouring with my daughter and listening to her gibber away, even on a really awful day, lifts my spirits. Or a phone call to my sister. Or listening to my partner get really excited about some new record he’s bought. I don’t have to talk, just listening can be nice. If you live alone it can be very easy to go for days and even weeks without any meaningful interaction with another human being (I know, I had a few major depressive episodes when I lived alone in my early twenties). Talk about the weather with the friendly guy at the corner shop. If you’re not able to do that, and I know sometimes that would feel impossibly scary, call one of the many helplines managed by volunteers for just this. The Samaritans are available 24/7. The idea is to hear a friendly human voice, not to fix any of your problems.
Get something done
When I first started experiencing major depressive episodes, I would often lay on my bed at night and write what I would come to call my ‘Mother Theresa Lists’. I would try to convince myself that tomorrow was a new day, that I would wake up and take up marathon running, quit drinking and smoking, tidy my house, volunteer with the elderly, etc. The end of the following day, none of those things would have come close to having been accomplished and I would feel even more shit. When I eventually started therapy, I was gently advised to maybe think smaller (y’think?). It was OK to have a list that consisted of ‘Wake up, shower, brush teeth, eat something’. I wasn’t always managing those things. But if felt good to tick them off when I did. So think of one, small thing, that you need to do today, write it down, do it, and tick it off. It could be taking the dog for a walk, or doing the washing up, or putting a load of laundry on (drying and sorting the laundry can wait for another day, and don’t get me started on ironing). And always put ‘Wake up’ at the beginning of your list because chances are, you’ll manage it and even if you do nothing else, you can at least put one tick!
The aim here is to get through today, and not worry to much about yesterday or tomorrow. I have no medical or psychological training – I’m just someone who has been there. If you’re struggling and you haven’t already, please do see your doctor – mental illness is a real thing and there is help out there, although you do sometimes have to work hard to get it. In the meantime, I hope these tips go some way to helping you get back to feeling like you. It will happen some day.